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Vol. 2, # 7, Sept. 12, 2003
 After
a two-month recess while wandering brilliantly through the Catacombs,
the SSBSC will return to the study of the Gospel of John on this
Sunday. We will start at John 11, verse 55 and conclude at verse
8 of chapter 12. In this text we will actually read how Jesus said
about a woman, "Leave her alone." And he will tell us
that we will always have the poor. How can PH dare to predict where
the class will finish on this Sunday? There is only one reason.
PH plans on leading the discussion this Sunday while Teacher Bob
and Julia are in the Show Me State. However, nothing is certain
and PH realizes that any prediction among Shepsons is testy. Read
your Bible verses and be ready.
Recently retired teacher Beth Wilson sent PH the
following:
Subject: Never Argue with a Child
A little girl was talking to her teacher about
whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale
to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal
its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was
swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a
whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The
little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
 A
Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's
work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,
she asked what the drawing was? The girl replied, "I'm drawing
God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows
what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking
up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching
her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed
that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out
in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and
inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something
wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and
then said, "Mum, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the
teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the
group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at
it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's
a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael. He's a doctor.'" A small voice
at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher.
She's dead."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of
a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table
was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted it
on the apple tray: Take only ONE God is watching." Moving
further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was
a large pile of chocolate chip biscuits. A child had written a
note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Bumper Slogans provided by George Thomas:
Minds are like parachutes they don't function
unless they are open
Fundamentalism Means Never Having To Open Your Mind
Another Christian Against The Christian Coalition
Focus On Your Own Damn Family
Any Book Worth Banning Is A Book Worth Reading
I Speak To God And I Know What's Best For You
(with a picture of a mean dog) "Beware of Dogma"
The Only Problem With Baptists Is They Don't Hold Them Under Long
Enough
Born OK the First Time
If You're Born Again, Do You Have 2 Belly Buttons?
Come The Rapture, Can I Have Your Car?
Don't Believe Everything You Think
Don't Pray In Our School & I Won't Think In Your Church
I'm For The Separation of Church & Hate
God Is Too Big To Fit Inside One Religion
Hatred Is Not A Family Value
If Only Closed Minds Came With Closed Mouths
There Is No Freedom Of Religion Without Freedom From Religion
PH believes the following came from Donald Deer:
Non-English speaking countries sometimes go out
of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists:
Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED
NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Doctor's office in Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND
OTHER DISEASES.
Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner.
Japan: COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN
YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR
WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the grounds of a Nairobi private school: NO
TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION
In Aamchi Mumbai restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A
WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
The best!!! In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS
FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian
Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE
FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE
BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING
GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT
THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED
BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES
HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR
HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD
YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR
BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
In a Japanese cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED
FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
 The
word from SSBSC Missionaries Charlotte and Bill:
"NEXT ISH CAMPAIGN, and last class ISH campaign
of 2003: warm winter coats and jackets, for infants, children,
and youth through age 17, October 1-31. Best prices in town on
nice, clean, like-new coats: Fan-tastic Thrift on West Main Street
and Goodwill at Horsepen and West Broad, and, probably, any other
Goodwill store (especially on Tuesdays if you are a senior citizen:
30% discount). If you can't shop, Charlotte and Bill Simpson (285-3185)
will shop for you."
 PH
is hoping to get an exclusive PHA scoop on the naming of the new
pastor for RRCB. PH is depending on Shepsons Doris Curtis and Ed
Pruden to be the scoopers.
Shepson Doris told PH, "Not yet."
Shepson Ed was a little wordier. He wrote:
I would reply on behalf of the committee, or perhaps
just for myself, but you're liable to print it (no pun intended).
The Pastor Search Committee is making good progress, but we are
trying to avoid the numerous potholes on the selection highway,
and we know that failure is not an option. As far as your threat
of recall, not even Baptists are as crazy as Californians! (Sorry,
Deers!) Ed
Jim Ladd reports that his mother is doing better.
He writes:
 "Hi
Henry:
Please remove my mother from the Prayer Rounds
list. I am happy to report that she has recovered nicely from
her recent illness and is back at Lexington Court doing well.
I want to thank everyone for their prayers and expressions of
sympathy during her recovery.
Warmest regards,"
Jim Ladd
PH has learned from a missionary Shepson that Julia
Tyler is dealing with considerable stress in trying to help her
elderly parents who live in Ivor Virginia. Both of her parents are
mentally sharp, but her father is nearly bedridden and her mother
is his primary care giver. Julia has been traveling to Ivor regularly
to help her parents.
Please remember in your prayers Julia Tyler and
her parents, Philip and Shanna Davis, Dot and Cecil Sherman, John
Oliver, Nancy Werner's nephew Doug Baumgardner, Woody and Betty
Hasty, Dick Harwood, young Davis Summers, Kim Dodson, Chester's
parents, the Manor Bible Study Class, the Church Staff, the Pastor's
Search Committee and those only known to you
Blood Letting on Sunday, September 21, noon to 4
PM
 Arts
Festival: October 5 through 12.
BTSR Intern Mack Dennis preaches on Sunday, October
12.
Pastor's Search Committee will be meeting behind
locked doors and will be "Left Behind" during the Rapture,
October 31.
This Sunday we will read, study, and examine the
words of Jesus and actions of Jesus as written in the early portion
of chapter 12 of John's gospel. The doubting Jesus Seminar has this
to say about the words of Jesus in verses 7 and 8: "The words
ascribed to Jesus in verses 7 - 8 are either the invention of the
narrator or they are derived from the scripture: 'There will always
be poor around.' (Deut: 15: 11) Since they are neither aphorisms
or parables, they probably never circulated independently in the
oral tradition and so cannot be traced back to Jesus."
Read the story and come to your own conclusions.
It seems like a wonderful story about priorities and you might learn
about nard.
Attached to this PHA is an artist's portrayal of
Mary of Bethany and Jesus.
September
5, 2003
August
29, 2003
August
22, 2003
August
15, 2003
August
8, 2003
August
1, 2003
July 25, 2003
July 18, 2003
July
11, 2003
July 4, 2003
June 27, 2003
June 20, 2003
June 13, 2003
June 6, 2003
May 30, 2003
May 23, 2003
May 16, 2003
May 9, 2003
May 2 , 2003
April 25, 2003
April 18, 2003
April 11, 2003
April 4, 2003
March
28, 2003
March
21, 2003
March
13, 2003
March
6, 2003
February
27, 2003
February 20, 2003
February 13, 2003
February 6,
2003
January
30, 2003
January 23, 2003
January 16, 2003
January 9, 2003
January 2, 2003
December 26, 2002
December
19, 2002
December
12, 2002
December
5, 2002
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